13 December, 1910

I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Was up all night with the watch as we switched back and forward from pushing through ice and open leads, then coming up against solid ice and able to go nowhere. Everyone second-guessing me, I fear.

One feels tremendously the weight of the lives of these men under these conditions, where my decision alone consumes coal, and without coal, we all die. The mental anguish alone is exhausting.

So to conserve fuel we have cut fires and are stopped until better conditions prevail. It is what it is.

Have kicked Wilson out of our cabin for a bit so that I can catch some sleep.